Thursday, November 18, 2010

Breathe. Exhale.

I knew once I went back to work it would be hard to keep up the blog. I figured I could jump in here at least once a week, but lo' and behold, it ain't happenin'.

First, let's clear away the mundane. Since my last post:

  • We've celebrated Halloween
  • Luke has had at least 3 colds/coughs
  • I've had bronchitis
  • and, most importantly, Patrick has survived his first cold like The Champion that he is.
Patrick is still receiving weekly therapy for feeding and we are finally seeing some improvements. He's eating about 3 tablespoons of puree at each sitting. It amounts to maybe 1 container of baby food in a day. Its not a ton, but its a lifetime high for him, so 'Go, Patrick Go!' Most importantly, he is enjoying the tastes & the textures, which is remarkable all on its own.

Now, onto more pressing matters.

Thanksgiving is approaching faster I can say Turkey and that means only one thing: Christmas will crash upon us in no time. Followed closely by . . .

. . .Patrick's first birthday.

This seems Impossible. Unfathomable.

And all of this is hitting me hard, in ways and places that surprise me.

Like the Parking Garage. Now, you must know, I've been taking Patrick to monthly follow up appointments at the hospital since he was discharged. Everytime we go, I park in the same garage, often on the same level. But lately, when I drive through that curvy entrance ramp of the garage, I am overcome with emotion. And suddenly, the parking garage at the hospital can bring me to tears.

Lately, I find myself remembering that it was just about a year ago when my doctor saw something on an ultrasound that he thought needed a closer, more specialized look, and I started getting weekly ultrasounds at Yale, instead of with my doctor on Westport. And even tonight I can still recall the excitement I was feeling as I approached my last trimester ('the home stretch'), the late-night discussions with Jeff before we drifted off to sleep, dreaming of what we would name our baby. Our girl names were narrowed down to three, and we were equally pleased with all of them. Yet, we didn't have one boy name we could agree on. We used to guess that it must have been a 'sign' that a baby girl was coming our way.

Oh, and the anticipation of Luke becoming a big brother. I used to imagine Jeff bringing Luke to the hospital to meet his baby brother/sister for the first time. I had Hallmark images of how this first meeting would be. And I can vividly remember how quickly that was washed away almost the moment Patrick was born...

Its as if I've been holding my breath since January 6 and I've finally exhaled.




I am not the woman I was last Thanksgiving. I am not the same Mother, Wife, Daughter, Sister, Niece, Aunt, Co-Worker, Friend or Neighbor.

I have been transformed because of Patrick, and for Patrick.

My faith has been challenged, and strengthened.

My relationships have been challenged, and strengthened, also.

My priorities have been reordered, and clarified.

My tolerance for nonsense has dramatically diminished, and my compassion has increased ten-fold.

With Thanksgiving just one week from today, I am overcome with the fullest and most intense feelings of Gratitude I have ever experienced in my 40 short years. I am at a loss for the right words. But I know for sure, I am abundantly blessed.

1 comment:

  1. you amaze me! in my recent struggles with my dad- i learned so much about life... relationships, how people rise to the occasion and some do not- what i am willing to engage in and not- what is important becomes crystal clear! your strength is amazing! you find the silver lining and write about it ever so eloquently! enjoy your blessings... hold them tight!