Just one week from today, Patrick will be celebrating his First Christmas.
A year ago at this time I was receiving weekly ultrasounds at Yale with world-reknowned Maternal-Fetal Specialists, trying to figure out why our baby's neck looked 'a little swollen'. And each week I would try so hard not to jump to the worst case scenario. But, gosh that was hard. Impossible. Google became my worst enemy.
As you might imagine, I've been thinking non-stop about last December's Christmas too. How, at that time, I was imagining what this year's Christmas would be like, with two children. Wondering how Luke would be faring with this new baby in his life. Wondering if Luke would be over-the-top excited about Santa. Wondering if Luke would still feel extra-special, even though we'd have a baby in our midst who would need to feel special too. I wondered how I could possibly love another child with the same magnitude and depth that I love Luke. And, I wondered what our new baby would be capable of doing by the time Christmas 2010 rolled around. Would he be crawling? Maybe... Walking? Doubtful, but you never know...
Never in all my imaginings did Christmas look like This. Nor had I expected to spend the first 1/3 of 2010 camped out in Newborn Special Care, staring into an isolette, wondering from minute-to-minute, day-to-day, what would become of my Little One. Wondering how he would -- how he could -- ever find his way out of this. And in those days, I couldn't even look toward this Christmas; sometimes I could hardly imagine the next week.
As this week unfolds, and Luke's excitement reaches heights never before seen, and my patience often reaches lows I'm not proud of, I am making a promise to myself.
To slow down. Enjoy these moments. And keep a watchful eye on the magic of this season.
Miracles are happening all around us.